Do Not Place Conditions on Sobriety
I learned early in AA that it is very important not to place conditions on sobriety. If I truly believed there would someday be a “legitimate” reason to drink, I probably would have jumped off the wagon much sooner. As impulsive as I am, why would I wait for some special occasion to take a drink?
Early in sobriety, I asked my sponsor many questions. Most of those conversations took place after the meeting, over coffee or at a diner. I vividly remember asking him, “What about my wedding day? Couldn’t I at least enjoy a champagne toast?” My sponsor asked, “Are you dating anyone right now?” I said, “No.” He laughed and told me I was not living in the day. Then I asked, “What if one of my parents dies someday? Wouldn’t it be okay to have a drink after the wake?” He smiled and asked, “Are your parents sick right now?” Again, I answered, “No.”
He gently explained that I was projecting myself into a future that had not yet come. I was living in fantasies and imagining situations instead of focusing on today. Besides, who was to say that I would not pass before them because of some unforeseen event?
What I learned from that conversation was life-changing. I was really talking about my obsession with alcohol. Maybe it was subconscious, but mentally, I had not fully accepted the idea of living without it. It was almost as if alcohol remained behind glass marked “For Emergencies Only,” ready to be used whenever life became difficult enough.
Thoughts like these are probably common in early sobriety. But for those of us in recovery, holding onto future excuses for a drink is really a preplanned drunk. If we are not honest enough to share those thoughts with a sponsor or in a meeting, then we are not being honest with ourselves. The good news is that, one day at a time, we do not have to drink. Sobriety is a 24-hour commitment. The future still arrives one day at a time. I cannot predict what tomorrow will bring, so there is little value in worrying about it today.
Living This New Life Sober
During my years in the program, I got married and experienced the loss of friends, parents, sponsors, and brothers. I faced financial struggles, health problems, the births of children, job losses, and even a few near-death experiences myself. Through all of it, I thank God and AA that I never felt a drink could make the good times better or ease the pain during the hard times.
This truly is a program of rigorous honesty. I had to learn to share my thoughts, fears, and ideas with a sponsor so I could gain new insights into how to live a full and sober life. That new life begins with being honest about my disease. Alcoholism is a killer. It is cunning, baffling, and powerful. It is never really about “just one drink.” The disease tries to lure us back by making us remember the good times while conveniently forgetting all the pain and destruction.
The phrase, “To thine own self be true,” has been a lifesaver for me. I am deeply grateful for AA, for the lessons I have learned, and for a loving God whose grace allows me to live and learn one day at a time.