Isolation Is a Dangerous Place

Posted on by Jim C.

Isolation Is a Dangerous Place in Recovery

There are many threats to personal recovery in AA, but not all of them are external. I personally believe that isolation is a dangerous place in recovery.

For me, isolation can become a self-imposed exile from the people around me, distancing me from my fellows and, in doing so, from my Higher Power. I view it as a choice, albeit a bad one. I have found that isolation can become a breeding ground for self-pity and the poor me’s.

Recovery Is a “We” Program

I see the AA fellowship and the Twelve-Step recovery program as a “we” program, not a “me” program. Separating myself from that support makes little sense.

After all, my so-called best thinking and actions brought me to AA at age 21. My poor choices, mistakes, and false beliefs had driven me to the brink of insanity. I was insular. I rarely bounced my thoughts off anyone because I was afraid they might think I was crazy.

For me, the distancing from the program begins spiritually because, in many ways, AA is my Higher Power. At meetings, I hear what I need through the topic, someone’s sharing, or a one-on-one conversation with someone in recovery.

So, when I find a solution that works, why would I avoid it?

Old thinking is why. It’s familiar.

When I isolate, my own mind can become a playground filled with fears, anxiety, regrets, and resentments. On my own, there is less accountability for my actions or thoughts. Without a sponsor or friends in the fellowship, I am flying blind.

Past experience should alert me that I may be setting myself up for needless worry and anxiety that can lead me into an unhealthy state of mind—and perhaps back to the drink. That is not a good place for me.

Isolation Can Weaken My Recovery

I believe isolation reflects the very nature of alcoholism. Alcohol is described in AA as cunning, baffling, and powerful. For me, isolation creates the kind of weakness where old thinking has room to return.

The disease may appear dormant, but abstinence does not mean my old thinking has disappeared. Isolation can weaken the defenses that protect my recovery. It can silence the safeguards and warnings that help keep my thinking on track.

Continued personal discomfort in sobriety should be a warning. To me, it is the canary in the coal mine. I need to pay attention when this occurs and take action.

I Know What Drifting Feels Like

At times in my recovery, I have realized that I was drifting from the program and its principles. Sometimes that realization gives me the urgency to get back to meetings before things get out of control.

Simply showing up helps keep me sane and focused.

I cannot receive those benefits if I stay away.

HALT Is a Warning

AA warns about isolation through the acronym H.A.L.T.—hungry, angry, lonely, or tired. These states can leave me emotionally vulnerable and more likely to make choices I would not normally make.

The Steps of recovery help me break down the walls of isolation by teaching me to carry the message and help others. The Big Book says it well:

“Practical experience shows that nothing will so much ensure immunity from drinking as intensive work with other alcoholics.”

I cannot do that when I purposely isolate myself.

Telephone Therapy

I remember that in my own early sobriety, we had what we called “telephone therapy.” In today’s world, almost everyone has a cell phone with a contact list of people they can call at a moment’s notice. We can even attend an AA meeting virtually from almost anywhere in the world.

Sometimes the most important thing I can do is simply pick up the phone and talk to another person.

The Solution Is Simple, But Not Always Easy

I have found that the solutions to isolation are simple.

How I Stay Connected

For me, staying grounded in recovery means taking practical action:

    • Live in the present.
    • Work the Twelve Steps.
    • Clean house by addressing my own conduct and responsibilities.
    • Stay in dialogue with sponsors, mentors, and others in the fellowship.
    • Work with others and remain connected.

These practices help me live well with others and find peace of mind through honest connection.

Progress in my recovery was never made by avoiding life. It came from dealing with life on life’s terms, one day at a time.

I did not do this when I drank.

Recovery Is Not a Place to Hide

Isolation may feel comfortable for a while, but for me, it is dangerous thinking. AA gave me a way out of the loneliness that defined my drinking. It taught me that I don’t have to face everything alone.

I am grateful to walk this road with others who share the same goal as we trudge the road of happy destiny.

For me, recovery has never been about doing everything by myself. My personal solution has been to learn that I don’t have to do this alone.