Making Living Amends – Living Sober a New Way of Life

Making Living Amends

As an alcoholic in recovery, one of the more uncomfortable tasks is making amends. When I was actively drinking, I cared little if I hurt someone’s feelings, was dishonest, or would not respect the boundaries of others. The sad truth was that nothing got in the way of my will and my drink.

I was selfish to the core.

However, now that I wasn’t drinking, I was confronted by my own bad behavior through the eyes of others.

The result was broken relationships, lost friendships, and a lack of trust. In early sobriety, I still was unable to fathom the depths to which I had sunk in my bottom of drinking. I could not cover my past bad actions with an “I’m sorry” Band-Aid. Friends, family, and associates had heard this way too many times to accept it now.

Why should they?

Over and over again, I had already proved that I wasn’t trustworthy.

Making Things Right

So, I am not talking here about a monetary amends for something of value I’ve stolen. This is not about cash reimbursement for monies taken.

I am referring to something far more precious that I robbed—the peace of mind, the respect, and the consideration that I completely violated in my dealings with others.

How do I make amends for that?

First of all, an amend is not just saying, “I’m sorry.” By definition, to amend means to correct a wrong and make things right. Yes, it could be by doing something good for an injured party or paying compensation to make up for a mistake, injury, or wrong you have caused.

But in my own experience, it is not just an exchange of cash and an “I’m sorry” so I could sleep better at night. Making amends—even by AA standards—is more than that.

In AA, we recover one day at a time, and recovery is not a singular, one-time event. Perseverance in sobriety adds up—it’s cumulative. If I truly understand recovery, it is the realization that sobriety is a new way of life, where there is always room for improvement.

For me, that is where living amends became so important.

Living Amends

To those we have hurt the most, it is not the mea culpa words that say, “I’m guilty.” Rather, it is my ongoing actions in recovery that can repair those bonds.

Actions do speak louder than empty words.

This does not by any means mean that relationships will improve overnight or even in the short run.

My sincerity will be measured by my endurance and commitment to changing how I live and act. Once broken, trust can take a long time to repair.

Some people may never accept amends, while others may take years to believe I have changed. Parents and loved ones may eventually come to believe it when they witness me striving to live right and make the right choices.

Seeing Life Through Different Eyes

In much later years of sobriety, it wasn’t until I had my own family that I realized what worry could be like when your child comes home late.

When I drank, I never had any concern if I stayed out partying for days—and no one knew if I was dead or alive.

Only then did I realize the pain I had inflicted on others.

One thing I am forever grateful for is AA and persevering in this new way of life, one day at a time.

I remember I was six months sober when my father reached out and asked me if I could help my brother get sober. It wasn’t easy, but by God’s grace, I got my brother to go to one meeting.

He never drank again after that first day in AA.

My mom was so proud that her two sons were going to AA, staying sober, and living life to its fullest. Others can see the value of recovery and take joy in its results.

My mom was no longer ashamed and, by God’s grace, lived long enough to see this happen before she passed.

Restored peace of mind is priceless. In time, those living amends of simply trying to live right brought other family members into the fellowship.

What a gift this is for all.

A New Way of Life

Making living amends in recovery is an ongoing process. It is living the Twelve Step program of recovery in our everyday lives.

In doing so, we become whole again.

People begin to take notice. We become trusted, and value is added to our lives because others can see consistent change. Our actions become trustworthy and honest.

In time, our opinions and counsel may even be sought.

I am forever grateful to AA, the fellowship, and my Higher Power for this new and ongoing wonderful life.