Alcoholism is a disease that tells you don’t have a disease

Today’s Slogan: “Alcoholism is a disease that tells you — you don’t have a disease.” I started drinking in earnest when I was probably 15 or 16. I didn’t drink every day, but drinking gave me a way to blow off some steam and have a good time with the guys. With the girls and my shyness, alcohol became a social lubricant. I didn’t fear any consequences when I drank.

Alcohol was my higher power at the time. It could do for me what I could not do for myself. I could not imagine living life without it, and I thought anyone who didn’t drink had really big problems.

The fun times soon faded as my consumption, frequency of drinking, and tolerance increased. Dark times followed. Then I would go on the wagon because things had become too crazy. I needed a break. Funny, though, when I stopped drinking, I still hung out in the bars.  In the back of my mind, I knew I would pick up again, but I never knew when. Now I know it was only a matter of time. Nothing changes when nothing changes.

When I eventually returned to drinking, I managed better for a brief time, only to see everything explode again. Other times, I simply picked up right where I had left off three months before. When I finally had enough and ended up in AA, I found a load of old-timers there. In the 1970s, I would guess that the average age of the AA members in the meetings I attended was somewhere in the late 40s or early 50s. I was 21, and I felt like I was in the wrong place.  

I don’t belong here.  

What about my social life? What about dating? What about having some fun?  My drinking buddies and even my bartenders tried to tell me I wasn’t an alcoholic. Their words created doubts in my mind.  Maybe I wasn’t an alcoholic. I think that thought runs through many of our minds when we finally end up in AA.

I feel blessed that, at that time, we had a lot of speaker meetings. I listened intently, and I identified with the insanity, the craziness, and the depression. All I had to do was look at my own drinking history, and I could see the pattern clearly.  Every time I did something crazy, lost a relationship, lost a job, or disappointed my parents, I was drunk. 

At the end of my 90 days of sobriety, I realized I was in the right place. I no longer needed to keep asking myself, “Am I or am I not an alcoholic?”  The debate was over.  There is nothing wrong with questioning, but at some point, I had to ask myself, “So, what’s it going to be?”

I am eternally thankful that I am an alcoholic. I am grateful for AA, a loving God and His grace, the Steps of recovery, my sponsors, mentors, meeting topics, speaker meetings, the Big Book, the 12 & 12, and all those AA members who share their experience and do service—at no charge.