Avoiding That First Drink
There are many lessons to be learned from our drinking years, and not all of them come after we get sober. Sometimes, we can look back at the mistakes we made while drinking and learn what we need to do differently if we want to stay sober. I learned in AA that it’s the first drink that gets me drunk, so my sober life is built around avoiding that first drink.
Easy to Stop?
I have said many times that it is easy to stop drinking, and I had stopped many times. What I found difficult was staying stopped. Before I came to AA, it was not unusual for me to go on the wagon. I might stop drinking for a few weeks, or even as long as three months, but I wasn’t really changing anything. I was still doing many of the same things I had done while drinking. Nothing changes if nothing changes. I hung out with the same crowd, went to the same bars, and frequented places where drinking was a major part of the social life.
If my friends knew I wasn’t drinking, they might say, “Well, you can have a beer. That’s not drinking!” Guess what? It never worked. Eventually, I would slide right back into my old behavior. I had stopped drinking, but I hadn’t changed the life that surrounded my drinking.
In sobriety, I don’t have to replay that scenario to see if it will be different this time. Sobriety isn’t about seeing how close I can put my hand to a flame without getting burned. Recovery from alcoholism isn’t a test of willpower. Hanging around my old drinking buddies and trying to prove that I could stay sober never worked for me. When I came into AA in the 1970s, there was an old saying that made a lot of sense to me: “If you’re not a lion tamer, you don’t go into the lion’s den.”
I understood that. In reality, I had been asking for trouble. If I were going on a diet, it wouldn’t make much sense for me to spend all day hanging around Dunkin’ Donuts because I liked their coffee. Eventually, my willpower might give out, and I’d be eating the doughnuts. The same principle helped me understand my alcoholism. People, places, and things could become triggers for me. I needed to recognize the situations that could put me in danger and avoid them rather than continually testing myself.
Another decision I made early in sobriety, and one I am grateful for today, was that I wasn’t going to look for substitutes for drinking. I wanted sobriety, not another way to change how I felt. For me, that was part of practicing the rigorous honesty I was learning in AA. I had to be honest with myself about what I was doing and why I was doing it.
Revolving Door Sobriety
I didn’t want a revolving door where I stopped drinking, found another way to alter my mood, eventually returned to alcohol, stopped again, and repeated the process. I wanted to stop and stay stopped. That brings me to another question I have asked myself over the years: Does it make sense for me to drink non-alcoholic beer, wine, or mocktails that taste like the real thing? For me, the answer is no. I never drank for the taste. My drinking always had a purpose — I drank for the effect.
I don’t need a fake drink to become a segue back to my old life and my old way of thinking. There is no reason for me to think nostalgically about drinking or wonder what I might be missing. For me, that kind of thinking is an alcoholic fantasy.
My new life in sobriety has given me something far better. I have real friends, real experiences, and real opportunities. I don’t need to recreate the appearance of my drinking days to enjoy my life today. The one thing I still remind myself of on a daily basis is simple: I am an alcoholic, and I cannot safely drink.
No Occasion Deserves A Drink
Over the years, I have learned that there is no occasion in life that makes drinking a good idea for an alcoholic like me. Birthdays, deaths, weddings, baptisms, celebrations, disappointments, or getting a promotion—none of them require a drink. There will always be a reason someone can give me to drink. I just don’t need one. One drink is too many, and a thousand are not enough.
I am forever grateful that AA taught me these truths about myself and my alcoholism. I learned that staying away from that first drink is much easier than picking it up and trying to start my sobriety all over again.
For me, avoiding that first drink isn’t simply about avoiding a beverage.
It is about protecting the life I have today.