Don’t Project
Learning What “Don’t Project” Means
One of the earliest suggestions I heard in AA—probably during my first 90 days—was, “Don’t project.” At first, the idea was beyond my pay grade; I had no idea what people meant by this. But I heard the phrase often enough in meetings that I began to pay attention. I was no longer drinking, yet my thinking was still far from clear.
Living in the “What Ifs”
My thoughts were often consumed by anxiety and fear about the future. I eventually came to recognize this pattern as the “what ifs.” Newly sober, I repeatedly imagined tomorrow’s problems before they occurred—even though many of those scenarios were unlikely ever to happen.
Those thoughts robbed me of the serenity I had only recently discovered. The events were imaginary, but the pain they caused was real. Left unchecked, projection could easily threaten my new way of life.
A Lesson from the Fellowship
In AA, I found comfort in knowing that others had faced the same struggle. I once heard projection described as “living in the wreckage of the future.” That definition stayed with me.
No one needs to suffer through imagined disasters alone. I am grateful that I was attending meetings, sharing honestly, and learning to rely on my Higher Power.
Meetings Help
What I value most about AA is the meetings and fellowship. When I share a problem, I often hear from someone who has faced something similar. They may explain how they handled it, what happened, and how the outcome differed from what they had feared.
These conversations taught me that projection is often a massive waste of time. It is not grounded in the AA practice of living one day at a time. Still, recovery was new to me, and this way of thinking did not come naturally. As an alcoholic, I often narrowed my choices and mentally painted myself into a corner.
The Committee in My Head
At meetings and over coffee, alcoholics like me often talk about the “committee” in our heads. To me, it resembles the cartoon image of an angel on one shoulder and a devil with a pitchfork on the other.
The struggle is real: we devise strategies and contingency plans for events that may never materialize, and more often than not, the collateral damage is wrong choices and bad decisions.
Alcohol once muted those mental arguments—or at least distracted me from them. For a short time, drinking quieted my mind and nerves. But the relief never lasted, and the cycle only deepened.
Choosing One Day at a Time
Life can feel like a game show: Is the prize behind door one, two, or three? In AA, I discovered that my Higher Power does not limit the possible outcomes. My responsibility is simpler:
- Do not drink.
- Live the Twelve Steps of recovery.
- Try to improve my life one day at a time.
When I practice these principles, outcomes change. Old behaviors and familiar patterns of thinking gradually give way to healthier ways of living. In that change, I have found a new freedom—one I call serenity.