Finding a Higher Power in AA

Recovery is not a single moment when we suddenly understand how to stop drinking and remain sober for the rest of our lives. That would be nice, but it is an alcoholic’s fantasy. In my experience, sobriety must be worked at and lived. There is a certain sweat equity in recovery.

A sponsor cannot guarantee sobriety, any more than a rehabilitation center can offer a money-back guarantee that we will never drink again. We have to participate in our own recovery.

Not every moment of a sober life can be spent in an A.A. meeting room. Meetings are safe places to learn, listen, and share, but our perils and fears often wait just outside the door. Life is the other twenty-three hours of the day—the time when we must live the program. Those are the hours when we face employment, finances, relationships, illness, and all the unexpected turns life can take.

So how do we stay sober when things go sideways or when we are at a loss for direction? Do we call our sponsor or someone on our friends list? Certainly. But what happens when no one is available and we need guidance immediately?

In my own sobriety, this became a fact of life—and one of the everyday lessons of recovery. It is easy to stay sober when everything is going smoothly. Anyone can navigate calm waters. But what happens when the waters become turbulent, whether because of something unexpected or something we knew was coming?

At the end of “How It Works,” the A.B.C.s sum it up:

That we were alcoholic and could not manage our own lives.
That probably no human power could have relieved our alcoholism.
That God could and would if He were sought.

At such times, we have to ask ourselves, “What is standing between me and the next drink?” Is it a sponsor, a meeting, a copy of the Big Book, or a personal relationship with the God or Higher Power of our own understanding?

Moments of Grace

I had to ask myself that question early in sobriety. Sometimes the answer came in a simple moment of realization: my Higher Power had already carried me through many storms. The events themselves may have been difficult to explain, yet I sensed His presence and direction. At other times, a solution shared in a meeting profoundly changed the course of my life. Such moments are plentiful and powerful in A.A.

In A.A., we regularly see and hear about miracles in the lives of others. We hear testimony and honest sharing. We witness people who once could not see a way forward begin to recognize hope; we watch those who were hopeless and downtrodden rise from what seemed like bottomless pits; and we hear people who once could not accept help begin to listen to solutions that can heal their lives. To me, that is evidence of God at work—making possible what once seemed impossible.

Sometimes finding a Higher Power of our own understanding is simple. As the Big Book suggests, it may even be the faith of our youth. It need not come from an exhaustive search through the world’s religions. More often, finding that Higher Power begins with a simple acknowledgment: He is there, and He was always there. My awareness of Him had been blocked by my disease, my pride, and my unwillingness to let go of self-centeredness.

“There is a principle which is a bar against all information, which is proof against all arguments and which cannot fail to keep a man in everlasting ignorance—that principle is contempt prior to investigation.”

—Herbert Spencer, quoted in Appendix II, “Spiritual Experience,” Alcoholics Anonymous