Hitting Bottom

I believe I had to hit bottom before I could stop drinking. There had to be something that finally sparked change. For me, it was the realization that I didn’t want to go any lower. I finally saw alcohol for what it really was and knew I couldn’t keep going the way I was. That was my bottom.

What I once thought was the solution to my shyness and discomfort with life had become the problem.

I’ve learned that a bottom is different for everyone. That’s one reason we don’t compare bottoms in AA. My drinking career was relatively short by AA standards, but looking back, I can see that I tried many times to stop, control, or limit my drinking. The common thread was always the same: once I started, I couldn’t predict what would happen. Deep down, I knew alcohol had power over me, even though I blamed circumstances, relationships, and bad luck instead.

My bottom wasn’t a catastrophe. I still had a good job and money in the bank. The fact was, I had never been arrested, had no accidents, no DUIs, and no court orders. Thank God for that. From the outside, my life probably looked fine.

What changed was my honesty. I reached a moment of truth where I could clearly see that if I kept drinking the way I was, my life wasn’t going to end well. Ironically, I was drinking when I came to that realization.

When I looked at my drinking history, I saw that I had tried everything. I switched drinks, stopped for periods of time, changed bars, went to the gym, started and ended relationships, and convinced myself things would somehow be different. They never were. If I had one drink, it was only the beginning. Whether it was beer, wine, or my favorite scotch and soda, the outcome was always the same.

For years, I thought I was the life of the party. Looking back, I was more like the sideshow. I spent money freely, bought drinks for everyone, and acted as if I were in control. The truth was that alcohol was in control of me.

What I remember most is feeling trapped. I couldn’t imagine a life without bars, drinking, and the people I surrounded myself with. I thought that was all there was, and I couldn’t have been more wrong.

My last day of drinking wasn’t dramatic. It was just another weekend of partying. I never planned to quit forever. There was no crisis and no final disaster. What I felt was something new—a desperate desire to be free.

Drinking had become like the movie Groundhog Day. The same cycle repeated over and over, and I was exhausted. Finally, I prayed and asked God for help because I knew I couldn’t do it on my own. The only thing I knew for certain was that I needed to stop and stay stopped.

The next morning, I woke up with the same determination. I called AA and went to my first meeting. There, I found people who understood exactly what I was going through. Our stories were different, but our problem was the same.

I’m grateful to say that I found my solution in AA—in the fellowship, the meetings, the Twelve Steps, a good sponsor, and a loving God whose grace continues to guide me. AA gave me more than sobriety. It gave me a new way of life, freedom from alcohol, and the opportunity to trudge the road of happy destiny with others in the fellowship, one day at a time.