How It Really Works

“Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path.”

When I first read that line in Chapter Five of the Big Book, I found it comforting. At the same time, I wasn’t entirely sure I wanted to do everything that was being asked of me. As I continued reading, I realized that thoroughly following the path meant much more than simply attending meetings. It meant surrender, commitment, taking inventory, admitting my wrongs, making amends, changing my behavior, and then carrying the message to others. That seemed like a tall order.

Meetings and Fellowship Were Not Enough

At first, I thought some of the Steps didn’t really apply to me. It was easy to be dismissive. But “How It Works” doesn’t suggest that we pick and choose the Steps that make us happy. It makes it clear that there is work ahead. Knowing my own stubborn nature, I could certainly relate to the line, “At some of these we balked.” Whether they were referring to Steps Four through Nine or all of them, I found plenty of places where I resisted.

For the first six months in AA, I tried to stay sober on meetings and fellowship alone. While I enjoyed being around sober people, I was still angry, still self-centered, and unwilling to look any deeper. Eventually, my sobriety became a stalemate. I came to realize that if I did not start working the program, I would eventually go back to drinking. Why wouldn’t I? I was still acting the same way; I was just doing it without alcohol.

A Turning Point in My Recovery

That realization became a turning point in my recovery. I surrendered in the Third Step and immediately got to work on my Fourth and Fifth Steps. When those were completed, my sponsor guided me through making amends and continuing the rest of the program.

I have to say that the feeling I experienced after completing those early Steps was unlike anything I had ever known. There was a tremendous sense of freedom. For the first time, I felt like I was truly part of the fellowship. I felt connected to something greater than myself, and it was a wonderful feeling.

Alcoholism truly is “cunning, baffling, and powerful.” One of its greatest tricks is convincing us that we don’t really have a problem. In early sobriety, I still had doubts. Part of me wanted to believe that things weren’t that bad. I blamed circumstances, bad breaks, and the stresses of life. Some of my friends even told me I wasn’t an alcoholic and suggested I was being too hard on myself. Deep down, though, I knew better.

The Freedom of Rigorous Honesty

I thank God that I stayed the course. I committed to ninety meetings in ninety days, and I believe it helped save my life. What helped me most was the principle of rigorous honesty.

During those early months, I finally had enough sober time to look honestly at my past and see the truth. My problem became clear. AA gave me a program of recovery, a fellowship, and a way forward. It allowed me to do something about the problem that had controlled my life for so long.

For that, and for the grace of a loving God, I am forever grateful.