Today’s Slogan: “I Came, I Came to, I Came to Believe!”
I often share that when I was drinking, I really had no belief in God. As I’ve shared before, alcohol and self-will run riot ruled the day. I came to AA to find out what it was all about, to see if they had a solution to my dilemma, and to find out if they could help me. It was easy to stop drinking; staying stopped was where I had my issues.
On my last day of drinking, I have to note that it was in no way my worst day of drinking. There was nothing dramatic that triggered me to want to stop. But something happened that gave me pause. I really don’t know how to explain it other than to say it was grace. I wasn’t even seeking a solution, but one came. After several days of drinking, I came home and saw my mother praying on her knees. No words passed between us. She wasn’t mad; she was simply deep in prayer, with a smile only a mother can have. It startled me. As I walked away, I suddenly turned and asked God for help. I said I wanted to stop drinking.
It wasn’t a planned moment or a prepared prayer. It was a spontaneous plea. Yet it was a moment in my life when everything changed. It was probably the first time I had ever blamed a drink for anything. But there it was—the truth. My only problem was the drink. It was like a mantra going off in my mind, repeating over and over: “I have to stop drinking. I have to stop…” The next day, I was consumed with one question: How do you stop?
I found some AA literature, especially the AA brochure, Is AA For You?—the 12 questions for an alcoholic. To my surprise, I passed the test with flying colors. Next, I called AA Intergroup and found a meeting later that day. When I arrived, I ran into someone I used to drink with. He explained to me how AA worked, gave me a meeting list, and offered some good suggestions, especially that I try 90 meetings in 90 days.
AA Meetings Helped
What I found in AA were answers for living. Meeting topics focused on how to deal with the disease and how to live sober. Those meetings became a great source of suggestions for someone new in sobriety and trying to move forward in this new life. It was funny, but I always left a meeting feeling better than when I walked in. One-on-ones, meetings before and after the main meeting, and sponsorship all offered the uncanny grace of a loving God with an abundant heart of love and an abundance of hope.
It was through the day-to-day action of the Second Step that I came to believe the group could be my Higher Power. Then, as I progressed through the Steps of recovery, my Higher Power became more personal. His grace became more apparent and tangible.
I’m forever blessed to have found AA, stayed, trusted, and had faith in the solutions it offered. Those solutions made me a believer that there could be a loving God who had my back each and every day.
Like I said: “I came, I came to, and then I came to believe!”